I’m fighting myself not to go crazy over you. I’m in the border of insanity, unable to think straight and reflect reality. It’s those music and songs that keep pulling me away bit by bit. I found myself now just a step back before crossing that line. A moment, you said; be patient, you said; not that long, you said; words are surely effective weapon when promised.
I somehow understand what those junkie felt when they were in the very same border, wanting what they craved for life yet understand how the impact upon them when fulfilled. It’s not the same, but quite similar I must say. Craving for something yet unable to get one since situation made it felt wrong. The feeling of being bordered, forced to choose between stay put or crossing the line.
Currently in the position of still wanting, feels like being forced to cross the line and take the “don’t want at all” side. Fighting, to keep myself addicted, consciously decide to take that love drug and be a junkie one more time, is the only difference between me and a real junkie who should have decide to leave his drug and don’t want it at all for good.
Bordered, bored, tired, and alone…
Way back to 5 years ago, I was in a position where a colleague would came up to me and said “you should develop your writing skill, try to do a 500 words writing (and he meant any kind of) everyday. Try those blogging websites.” I did try and follow his suggestion, starting with some crappy notes and articles, got criticized after asking for review here and there, never managed to stop and I was like going crazy and keep doing his exercise.
Until around 2 years ago, I finally got my bachelor degree, with minimum correction on thesis writing. Some ideas went wrong, of course, but despite those, how I wrote and deliver content were acknowledged pretty well by those lecturer and examiner. “Thank God, and you my friend”, uttered from my mouth that time.
Now, a fellow master degree colleague of mine ask: how could I ever deliver my idea accordingly and get minimum revision after I assign my paperwork(s)?
Going back to where I was, 5 years ago, I suggest the very same idea to him: try to write anything consist of 500 words a day, and see it for yourself. Self-correction or asking a friend to read and review (or C&C, these days), might shed some light.
I never know whether he did try or not, but that very suggestion worked for me, why not on everyone else? The basic principle was there, and always is, “practice makes perfect”. So, readers (if any), start practice your writing, daily…
Never thought it would occur to me. I believe in reap what you sow. Didn’t see it coming as I put my trust as if to myself. How life could be so unpredictable. It was something not easy, but no one expected a big thing to overcome. A truce between two persons ended in a cold war. As for then I chose to stand and to rise my gun. I would not back down, did my best and yet still got it wrong. A curse that should not be put upon, but anyone would gladly say under the very same circumstances. The hope to see one living in misery, the wish to see one fall abruptly, the strive to fight and keep oneself in homeostasis. Nevertheless the bad news had spread for you to wish the best to happen upon me. Something cliche it was, contradictory between words and actions. So let me help you put this to an end, I’ll banish whatever story left as if it never exists in this very universe.